My first element

As I sit here in front of my computer screen, staring at the keyboard in complete confusion, not because I can’t find something to write about but because I have way to much to write about, way to much to get off my chest.

Like where do I begin? With my five mental breakdowns a week? My habit of avoiding everyone I care about because of my constant need to impress everyone around me. Why I think anyone who glances at me when I walk by is silently judging me, waiting for me to trip or stumble past them as if they even know how much of a mess I am?

Well I’m sorry to disappoint you, but this is not that kind of post.

No this is the kinda of post to uplift you, to make you think of your deepest passions. I’m talking about what keeps you up at night because you love doing it so much, the dream job you can’t wait to start, that secret garden you’ve always wanted but never had the time. The person who you cant stop thinking about, all day long, dying to just send that “Hey” text message hoping that their not like anyone you have ever met before. Hoping you can run into them even for 30 seconds that day because no matter how they look you’re going to be excited to see them. Yes I’m talking about that kind of passion, that kind of love.

Where did it go?
Where have I lost all of my excitement in my life, where did my passions go? Where did those butterflies in my gut that used to flutter until I couldn’t stop smiling, go?
Well to be honest, I have absolutely no idea! But I’m going to get it back.

So where would I even begin? What were my passions? Well I obviously won’t let the cat out of the bag that easy, at least not without a little back story of course.
So here I was, about a week ago, searching for a new show I can binge watch on Netflix. Been there too? Thought so.
I came across this show that kept catching my eye, called “Girl Boss”.
I clicked play and watched the entire first season in a day. I was feeling it.
So this girl gets fired from her job, feels like it’s the end of the world, on the search to find her passions, what she was good at. She came across a clothing store with tons of vintage clothing and obviously decided retail therapy would fix her problems, because come on, doesn’t it?
Any who she starts her own online business selling her redesigned vintage clothing. She finds love, also finds out a boy isn’t what you need to be happy, and ends up with a super successful business doing what she loves.

Yeah yeah, I get it, it’s just a show.
But let me tell you that this show gave me an idea.
So you can kinda guess how my life got on a roll.
I quit my job.
Decided to take time off to discover how to get my butterflies back. And meant it.

This all brings me to today, July 25th 2017.

I woke up and went for a drive, a daily routine I find myself doing to enjoy my first coffee of the day and to see who’s up and about in town. Thinking what am I going to do today? Isn’t that a question and a half. What do you want to waste your 24 hours a day doing? Who do you want to see? Well I decided to spend it however I liked, doing whatever I wanted to do, that started online.

*Types in Vintage clothing shops in my region*
*Drives to said Vintage shops*

So pouring down rain, I walk into this vintage clothing shop hoping to find something that will catch my eye. BOOM. Found it. Found another, and another, and throw in a pair of sunglasses and 114$ later and I’m out.

I swear I have never felt more in my element.
Yeah I never pictured my element to be a thunderstorm, sweaty packed store that smelled like a mix of the 70’s & 80’s but hey, that’s me.
Let me tell you that I felt like I just won. I won these clothes, because for all of these years and all of these people who have looked at the same pieces of clothing and turned them down, now belong in MY closet. I was feeling great! I may have even muttered the words “best day ever” somewhere in the excitement.

All day all I could think of is wearing these clothes. Redesigning these pieces. Selling these pieces. Just call me Girl Boss will ya?

I wanna feel this high all the time, this mindful high that makes me think outside the tight little box of my mind and get’s me thinking of what my elements are. That’s it isn’t it, that’s the secret, to be in your elements all the time. To be so happy that you physically are glowing, and radiance streaks off of you because everyone around you knows that you and your happiness are not to be disturbed. I am pushing you to find that, screaming it in your face to find your passions, even if its driving an hour to a vintage store in the pouring rain to waste money you don’t have, on clothes that you adore because thats what gives you hope that maybe for once you are on the right track.

Find it.

Find the urge to wake up tomorrow and just drive. Go to that coffee shop you keep driving past and have a cup of joe by yourself. Take a romantic walk on the beach at sunset all alone because you want to. Spend your whole day in a float, sailing away in your pool with absolutely no responsibility other than what mix drink is going to be in your hand. My point is, do it because you want to. Nobody else but yourself. Find those butterflies and never lose them, you know why? Because you will get bored with that job. You will get tired of taking care of everybody else but yourself, tired of wishing for the weekend to get up and do something, counting down until Friday night because the relief of freedom it brings, and when the sun goes down and you’re in bed with no passions keeping you up at night, nobody to send “Hey” too, you’re going to wish you took that time to enjoy your day. To enjoy everyday.

So whether you read this and think I’m nuts for giving such advice when i’m a mess and a half myself, or whether you take this and run with it.
I hope you have a gut full of butterflies.
I hope you enjoyed your day.
I hope you find that kind of passion.
I hope you can look at the person you have been thinking about all day and tell them how you feel.
I hope you are happy.
And most of all, I hope you wake up every morning and do something that is going to make you think “this is the best day ever” because honestly, shouldn’t everyday be?


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